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To the next summer location.
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the girl for some summer love.
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Suzanne. A name to be honored, cherished, and loved. Okay, maybe not... but you should still know about her.  She's twenty years old and a college student. She graduated vice president of her high school and things haven't been the same since. She's had her ups and downs, but never would she give up. ♥
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It's just one of those things I guess. I've always loved him, but never really knew. I had to meet him to love him, but my heart always knew.
- Me
♥ Graphics & Shit
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| I, like most other functionally thinking human beings, wish I had all the answers. I wish I knew everything about love and life, but the truth is we can't have all the answers. My story begins with a boy and ends with heartbreak. Before I go into what happened there are a few things you should know about my (ex)boyfriend. When he was in 8th grade, he was raped by a male next door neighbor he had considered one of his best friends. Well, after that he got himself into a LOT of trouble and his family decided that they needed to move, so he moved up here. It was then that he told his family that he had been raped, but as far as I know nothing more came of it. They say that after you are raped you go one of two way: abstinent or promiscuous. He went the latter. He's twenty three and has had relations with 37 girls. He got one girl pregnant and has a two and a half year old son who he loves more than life itself.
Okay, back to the story. This past Saturday I returned from a week long vacation to the Outer Banks, NC and I have to say that I wasn't exactly pleased with my vacation. Don't get me wrong the beach was amazing, a bit overcast, but beautiful nonetheless. Before I left for vacation my boyfriend had told me for the first time that he loved me. At the time, I couldn't say it to him, but not because I didn't want to because those words mean a lot to me and I don't want to just toss them about. I do love him. So, the entire vacation I felt as though I were on cloud nine. I loved him and he loved me, but things would soon change.
So I guess I should start from the moment it happened. It was Tuesday of last week that I got a text from my boyfriend of about a month saying "I think I should be honest. When you come back I don't think we can be together." I broke down. I had really fallen for this guy and he was breaking my heart. Too fast and too hard. He then sent another text saying, "We should talk when you get home." Well shit, that's never anything good and this was no exception. Keep in mind, it's Tuesday and I don't return home until Saturday and I can't talk to him until Sunday. It was at that time I picked up the phone and needed to know why he was dumping my ass.
He had too much on his plate. That was his reasoning. I wouldn't find out until Sunday, five days later. So, it put a bit of a damper on Tuesday and Wednesday-Friday night, but I enjoyed the last of my vacation. Then on Sunday (technically) at 1 o'clock in the morning I got texted my ex asking him where he was staying that night. He'd told me earlier in the day that he had been kicked out of the house for not obeying curfew. He didn't have a place to stay, so I told him he could stay with me and that night we had a talk that then continued in the morning.
During these talks I found out that a girl he'd hooked up with a couple weeks before he met me was pregnant. But the worst part is the girl has lupus... so she can't be pregnant. Chances are she'll miscarry. I was more worried about the girl than I was about my ex. The girl was thinking of getting an abortion and I just couldn't imagine the pain that would cause her emotionally. All of my prayers are with that poor girl. I asked my ex why he wouldn't tell me that and he was afraid I would overreact. I don't blame him, I am a drama queen.
So, now, I can get to my point. My ex has NO intention of being this girl if she decides to keep the baby and the only reason he broke up with me was because he didn't want to put me through that, saying it would be unfair. I feel like he didn't give me a chance to prove him right or wrong? Can someone help me understand?
Before I ask my final question... here's a quick recap.
1. My boyfriend broke up with me on vacation.
2. He said it was because his life was too complex.
3. He gets kicked out of his house and stays the night with me.
4. The girl before me gets pregnant.
5. She has lupus and a BIG decision to make.
All in one week.
He says he wants to be my friend and see where things go from there...
Is that a good idea for me? Can I just be his friend when I have feelings this strong for him? What do you think?
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I've been doing some thinking about the qualities in myself and others that I just absolutely cannot stand, and then I thought why don't I write them down. I already have a bucket list, and now (thanks to Family Guy) I have a "Grinds my Gears" list.
My "Grinds My Gears" List
1. When people dumb themselves down. I seem to witness all the time; it's like a plague the way it follows me around. I find that it's most common in high schools and colleges. Girls will pretend to be stupid to get the attention of guys. I think it's humiliating for all women when they do this. There are hundreds of women who fought for woman's rights and now there are girls pretending to have a low IQ for attention. I want so badly to show those women their future. If you don't take yourself seriously, how can anyone else?
2. When people yell talk. It always seems to be when I'm in restaurants or diners trying to enjoy a meal and the table nearby has a few people talking to one another, but they're yelling. They are a foot away from one another, why do they have to yell? The person can hear you fine when you talk at a lower volume. I just can't stand that.
3. Plans falling through. Okay, so let me explain so I don't sound like an ass. I hate when I make plans with someone and then they decide to just ignore them. I get no explanation as to why they aren't showing up and then I try to contact them and they ignore me. If you really feel like pissing me off I recommend this one.
4. Slow drivers. Now, by slow I mean drivers who drive the speed limit. I got five or ten over (for the most part) and I can't stand being slowed down. It just drives me insane. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a good driver, but at least I don't slow people down!
5. Internet talk in the real world. I'm so sick of people saying LOL. I have the biggest problem with LOL. If you need to say it then you're not freakin' laughing out loud: totally defeating the purpose! When I find something funny I, like most people, laugh. I don't look at the person and say, "Wow, I'm totally laughing out loud right now!" NO! Then when people are really excited or shocked why can't they just say "oh my god" instead of OMG. It's really not much to ask. You wouldn't write it in a paper; you shouldn't be saying it. The end. I semi-understand it when you're instant messaging friends, but when you're standing right next to the damn person, COME ON! I will, however, admit that I love that commercial where the mother asks her daughter who she's talking and the daughter says "Idk my bff jill." It shows people how truly stupid they look.
6. People who pretend to like things to show off to the opposite sex. It doesn't seem to happen much with guys, but I've seen tons of my friends do it. I watch as my friends pretend to like sports or wrestling. Or perhaps they would take up fishing, or soccer; it's quite ridiculous. It makes me sick to watch people do that.
7. Whistling. I don't know why this bothers me so much. I just can't stand the high pitched noise it makes and I think the fact that I can't do it also gets to me.
8. People who brag about drinking and smoking. I, in no way, am against drinking or smoking, but I don't really care to hear about it. Don't tell me that you are high as a kite and don't care what's going on around you. Why should I care? If you're high, that's your own deal. I don't care. The same goes with drinking. If you want to drink that's totally up to you, but don't tell me how drunk you are or that you can drink more than so and so. That may be your idea of personal accomplishment, but I just don't care.
9. Beating around the bush. If you have a problem, just come out and say it. There's no need to surround what you want to say with fancy words, just make your point. If you think I'm too sarcastic and feel the need to tell me... don't say "Well sometimes the things you say and don't necessarily mean, well, they hurt people." That's fine and dandy, but if you just say that I can be too sarcastic sometimes, well I'll take that better. I just want people to be up front with me, is that too much to ask?
10. Billy Mays. I swear if I ever meet this man I will punch him in the face. The way he yells and repeats things. God, I just want to punch him. We're going to get the point if you say it only a few times rather than a hundred. Every time I watch one of his commercials I can feel my blood boil.
11. Being cut off. That's such a big pet peeve of mine. Whether it's when I'm talking or driving, I can't stand it. I hate when I'm in the middle story and someone thinks of something "genius" and shares it. I swear if I could, I would punch them in the ovary. And then there's when I'm driving and some ass hole drives in front of me; making me slam on the brakes and practically hitting them. It's so annoying.
12. Yipping dogs. Granted, I have one, that doesn't make them any less tolerable. I hate when their annoying yips echo and resound through my ears, making my head ache. They're cute when they aren't barking, but that's only about about ten seconds a day and I just can't take it. It makes me want to put my head through a wall.
There are quite a few more things that "grind my gears", but (to be honest) I do most of them. So it would be rather hypocritical to point them out. As I think of more things, I'll post them | | |
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Have you ever actually thought about the best looking people of your sex? I'm a heterosexual girl, but if I had the chance there are about four women I'd go gay for. I would change my lifestyle, but not just for the money rather who they portray themselves as.
First and foremost I would change my sexuality for Angelina Jolie. She's one of those women you either hate or love and I'm part of the latter. Not only is Angelina Jolie incredibly sexy, but she also plays the most kick ass roles. For example, in Gone in Sixty Seconds she plays a character that lives every moment like it's her last, someone who stares fear in the face and smiles before saying "fuck you". Just the adrenaline this woman possesses is not only contagious, but also sexy. The movie she was the best in was Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I am madly in love with Brad Pitt, and to see two of the sexiest people (by my standards) in the same movie kicking not only each other's asses but the governments, shit I was orgasming throughout the movie. Angelina Jolie does a lot of charity work and adopts children, giving them better lives. She's a bad ass with a kind heart, does it get any better than that?
If I couldn't have Angelina Jolie, I would make an exception for Rachel McAdams. I think she's one of the most down to earth actresses around and she seems to have a sweet heart. She's absolutely gorgeous and she plays a variety of roles. Although she hasn't been in the limelight for long, anyone who watches her can tell she was born to be an actress. WIth her sweet easy-going personality and her charm, she would make the perfect date.
My third choice would be Gwenyth Paltrow. When I was in about fifth grade I began going to Huntington Learning Center and one of the people that worked there told me I looked like Gwenyth Paltrow and then about a week ago my boyfriend told me the same thing. Back in fifth grade when they asked if I knew who she was, I had no idea so I researched her. That was about the time I began to fall in love with her. She was incredible in Se7en and she usually plays such a romantic down to earth person. I don't know that I'd go gay for her, but let's just say I wouldn't turn her down. She is thirty seven and I don't think I've seen anyone as glamorous at that age. She's an amazing actress with an amazing husband.
My fourth and fifth choices are tied, and if I had the choice to be with both of them, I don't know who I'd choose. They are Hayden Panetierre and Megan Fox. Hayden Panetierre has been acting since she was little, and even in the old football movie (I can't think of the name) she was beautiful. Although she was young, you could tell that she was going to be a beautiful young lady. I don't know her personally, so I can't say this for sure, but if she's anything like her character in Heroes sign me up. She plays a cheerleader, but she's hard core. She can take just about anyone in a fight and she never backs down. Megan Fox is much the same in Transformers. The popular girl becomes a bad ass when she and a friend (Shia Laboeuf) have to fight alongside Optimus Prime. Shit, if the fact that she gets to fight alongside robots isn't awesome enough for you, the fact that she's gorgeous and never seems to lose that will.
Really now, sit down and try to think of the people of the same sex that you'd go gay for. Can you think of anyone? Or, if you're already gay, is their anyone you'd go straight for? Or perhaps you can only think of people you wouldn't turn down... who would they be? | | |
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Love is defined as a strong affection; a warm attachment; attraction based on sexual desire; a beloved person; unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for others. Have you ever been at the park or in a restaurant and heard someone tell their significant other than they "love" them? Every time I hear the words "I love you" from someone else (whether its to me or not) I have to question the person's motives. If the guy is saying it to the girl, is sex on his mind? Does he just want to get her to bed? If a girl is saying it, does she just want to feel that? I know that I've only told one person that I love them and meant it (not including my family). Love is a word and feeling people toss around, but don’t really mean it. Love has lost all of its meaning in our world and should just be removed from the dictionary. I know I sound like a cynic, but if you’ve ever had your heart broken you’ll know where I’m coming from.
There are many kinds of love: true, puppy, at first sight, and unrequited are the ones that come to mind. True love is when you find that one thing in your life that makes your heart flutter and the butterflies in your stomach freak out. It’s one of those feelings that can’t be topped. Well, unless you include puppy love. Of all the loves, this one seems to be the most powerful. This one can lead people to do things they wouldn’t dream of doing in any other state. Its much like being drunk, actually. Puppy love consists of the amazing amount of lust and passion you feel for someone when you first start dating. Indeed, it will past, but it’s fun while it lasted. Then there's love at first sight, knowing you’re meant to be with someone just by taking one glance at them. Finally, there’s unrequited love, the worst kind of love: when someone falls in love alone. It hurts, it damages, but the worst part is it can break something that seems unbreakable. Unrequited love often leads to lost love. So, yes, love comes in all forms, and although most forms are incredible they're never perfect. Nothing is perfect, and love is no exception.
So, now for the big question, “Do I believe in love?” The answer is simple: yes. I believe in all forms of love. I believe in true love, puppy love, love at first sight, and unrequited love, but the most real and lasting form of love can’t be defined or put into words; it just is. | | |
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